Cory’s Hammock: A Journey Through Grief and Love

Acceptance comes in stages, and my journey through grief has been a winding path, filled with unexpected moments of joy and sorrow.

When my son Cory passed away, I found myself thrust into the depths of despair.

Yet, in the midst of this profound trauma, I discovered the gift of acceptance—though it was only the beginning.

One pivotal experience on this journey was centered around Cory’s beloved hammock.

During his last year with us, Cory had invested in a camping hammock, a vibrant piece of fabric that became his sanctuary—a place to relax, unwind, and connect with nature.

I remember vividly the day he called me while lounging in it, suspended beneath a bridge, twenty feet above the shimmering water.

The sound of laughter danced in his voice as he shared his adventurous spirit with me.

But that laughter was abruptly interrupted by the distant blare of a foghorn.

“I’ve got to call you back,” he said, his tone shifting.

Moments later, I learned that the police had spotted him and were warning him about the dangers of his precarious perch.

Later that week, he stumbled upon a sign announcing the prohibition of hammocks along the bridge.

Curious, he approached a nearby officer and inquired about it.

“There was this crazy guy hanging under the bridge last week. We can’t have people doing that. It’s dangerous,” the officer replied, shaking his head.

With a twinkle in his eye, Cory simply smiled and said, “That crazy guy was me!”

Beyond his escapades, Cory cherished that hammock for its comforting embrace while camping in the Greenbelt of Austin.

After he transitioned, I felt an overwhelming urge to reclaim a piece of him.

I hung the hammock in my backyard, eager to feel his spirit enveloping me, a part of my healing process.

As time passed, we built a swing from one of the trees where the hammock rested.

In our enthusiasm, we took down one end of the hammock to make room for the swing, leaving it to languish on the ground for several months.

One day, I decided to rehang it, only to find it riddled with holes, devoured by bugs.

My heart sank; the sight of the once-vibrant fabric now tattered, filled me with disappointment.

Coincidentally, a dear friend visiting from out of town offered to help.

She suggested sewing patches over the holes, using fabric from a polyester bodysuit that Cory had cherished.

As she took the hammock with her, she carried not just the fabric but also stories of Cory, sharing anecdotes with everyone she encountered while meticulously stitching patches.

A few weeks later, a package arrived at my doorstep.

Inside was the beautifully repaired hammock, accompanied by a poignant poem entitled “Patching Holes in a Universe.”

“Patching Holes in a Universe.”

By Jitana Alba

 Where a seemingly quaint little mend project

Illustrates the concepts of worlds

Weave from a single thread

Needle in hand

I’ve spent lifetimes as

a heart surgeon

a deep sea diver

a modest handyman

a conductor of a symphony

Playing the stories of varied

wondrous souls

Manifest as ever morphing

Collections of matter     air     fire

Common conclusions have drawn

Times deciding within a human

set of constructions

Patching the Universe

            impassive     improbable

                        just plain silly

Yet, who would I be to deem the worth

Of any great mysterious task

            present to this awareness

Which may indeed involve

            aspects of this self yet undiscovered

Intricately woven into the wrinkles

Of a time I have yet to know

with a logical linear mind
I dare not constrain

the exquisiteness

Opportunity to play and dance

as Divinity with all things

To hear a perfect picture

            as a partial part

of pure presence

Work is progress

            done and undone

                        in every moment

Invite to imagine

            imagination as iteration

Of innumerable realities

            inclined to inspire fruition

Patching holes in a universe

            energy ignites in passion

                        for pure poetic purpose

                                    in perfect placement

¡Voila!

My heart swelled with gratitude as I visualized the love and effort woven into each patch.

That evening, I headed to a nearby lake, excitement bubbling within me as I prepared to hang the hammock at sunset.

As I wrapped the cord around the tree trunks, anticipation coursed through my veins.

Finally, I plopped down into the hammock—only to hear a resounding “kerplunk!” as I fell straight to the ground!

I hadn’t realized that it wasn’t just the holes that had caused the issue; the entire hammock was dry-rotted!

In that moment of unexpected hilarity, I found solace.

The laughter mingled with my tears, reminding me that acceptance doesn’t mean letting go of the past; it means finding joy in the memories, even when they come wrapped in absurdity.

The hammock may have been beyond repair, but the love it symbolized remained intact.

It became a comical reminder of my journey through grief—a journey that, though painful, had moments of lightness and connection, leading me closer to acceptance of Cory's absence and the beautiful memories we shared.

_____________________________________

 Join Our Free Support Group for Bereaved Parents

You are not alone. I invite you to join our free support group, where you can connect with other bereaved parents who understand your pain. Together, we can foster healing, share resources, and create a supportive community.

Click HERE to sign up.

_________________________________

In addition, I’ve developed a comprehensive support document filled with valuable information to assist you as you navigate this healing process. You can access Healing Hearts Support Document HERE.

___________________________________

Today, ten years after Cory’s passing, I want to offer others what I wished had been available to me. I have developed a one-on-one support offering to assist bereaved parents in their healing journey and to help them connect with their departed child.

If this resonates with you, let’s have a chat to explore whether this is the right fit for you.

Learn more and connect with me HERE.

I am here to serve you with compassion and understanding.

Subscribe to this blog by clicking the link below:

Blog RSS

The Gift of Grief

Grief is a powerful force.

It can strike when you least expect it, sweeping in like a tidal wave, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to navigate its depths.

In my own journey of grief after the loss of my son, Cory, I came to understand that grief is a reflection of love—a testament to the depth of our connections.

However, grief is not confined to a single event. When a tragedy occurs, such as the death of a loved one, it often unearths unprocessed grief from past experiences, making it all the more challenging to cope.

During my darkest moments, I learned to honor my feelings, allowing myself to experience the full spectrum of my emotions—no matter how intense they were.

Thankfully, I felt my son Cory guiding me from the other side, illuminating my path through the murky waters of grief.

Through this journey, I discovered a simple and graceful way to heal.

I learned that even in the depths of despair, there exists a profound intelligence—a light of deep love—waiting to be uncovered.

Having traversed this difficult path and emerged on the other side, I am deeply committed to helping others navigate their own grief journeys.

One of the hardest aspects of processing grief, especially after losing a child, is the silence that often surrounds it.

Many people don’t know what to say, and as a result, they may avoid reaching out, leaving you to face this painful experience alone.

I know how isolating this can feel.

No one should have to walk this journey in solitude.

I would have cherished the support of someone who had walked this path before me and emerged on the other side, ready to guide me through the experience.

That’s exactly why I created the Healing Hearts Support Program— to offer the one-on-one support and guidance that I desperately needed.

_________________________________

In addition, I’ve developed a comprehensive support document filled with valuable information to assist you as you navigate this healing process. You can access it here:

Healing Hearts Support Document

_________________________

Join Our Free Support Group for Bereaved Parents

You are not alone. I invite you to join our free support group, where you can connect with other bereaved parents who understand your pain. Together, we can foster healing, share resources, and create a supportive community.

Click HERE to sign up.

____________________________

If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out HERE to schedule a free phone call to explore whether this program is the right fit for you.

You can also visit my website:

 HealingHeartsSupport.com

I am here to serve you with compassion and understanding.

Subscribe to this blog by clicking the link below:

Blog RSS

Nobody Did Me Wrong

Nobody forced me to be in relationships with them.

I chose each and every experience in my life.

My soul knew how to create situations to get me in touch with all the beautiful parts of myself that want to be loved here now.

I AM learning how to take responsibility for myself, and to make decisions that are in my best interest.

So long as I blame and expect from others, I give others the power to make me happy or sad.

It never was about the other.

It was always about my opportunity to love myself more.

The next time my mind wants to loop around about how unfair I was treated…

I will gently remind myself that experience was important to bring me back to myself.

There’s nothing wrong.

Everything is in process as it’s meant to be.

Everything’s always working in my favor.

I choose forgiveness.

I choose gratitude.

I choose freedom. ❤️

To Be A Rebel

By Cory Roussel

A revolutionary is part of the political world; his approach is through politics.

His understanding is that changing the social structure is enough to change the human being.

A rebel, is a spiritual phenomenon. His approach is absolutely individual.

His vision is that if we want to change the society, we have to change the individual.

Society in itself does not exist; it is only a word, like “crowd” – if you go to find it, you will not find it anywhere.

Wherever you encounter someone, you will encounter an individual.

“Society” is only a collective name – just a name, not a reality – with no substance.

The individual has a soul, has a possibility of evolution, of change, of transformation. Hence, the difference is tremendous.

The rebel is the very essence of spirit.

He brings into the world a change of consciousness – and if the consciousness changes, then the structure of the society is bound to follow it.

But vice versa is not the case, and it has been proved by all the revolutions because they have failed.

No revolution has yet succeeded in changing human beings; but it seems we are not aware of the fact.

We still go on thinking in terms of revolution, of changing society, of changing the government, of changing the bureaucracy, of changing laws, political systems.

Feudalism, capitalism, communism, socialism, fascism – they were all in their own way revolutionary.

They all have failed, and failed utterly, because man has remained the same.

We have to be rebels, not revolutionaries.

The revolutionary belongs to a very mundane sphere; the rebel and his rebelliousness are sacred.

The revolutionary cannot stand alone; he needs a crowd, a political party, a government.

He needs power – and power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Human consciousness has not grown for centuries. Only once in a while someone blossoms – but in millions of people, the blossoming of one person is not a rule, it is the exception.

And because that person is alone, the crowd cannot tolerate him.

His existence becomes a kind of humiliation; his very presence feels insulting because he opens your eyes, makes you aware of your potential and your future.

And it hurts your ego that you have done nothing to grow, to be more conscious, to be more loving, more ecstatic, more creative, more silent – to create a beautiful world around you.

Hence a Gautama Buddha or a Chuang Tzu hurts you because they have blossomed and you are just standing there.

The world has known only very few rebels.

But now is the time: if humanity proves incapable of producing a large number of rebels, a rebellious spirit, then our days on the earth are numbered.

Then the coming decades may become our graveyard. We are coming very close to that point.

We have to change our consciousness, create more meditative energy in the world, create more lovingness.

We have to destroy the old – its ugliness, its rotten ideologies, its stupid discriminations, idiotic superstitions – and create a new human being with fresh eyes, with new values.

A discontinuity with the past – that’s the meaning of rebelliousness.

These three words will help you to understand: reform, revolution, and rebellion.

Reform means a modification.

The old remains and you give it a new form, a new shape – it is a kind of renovation to an old building.

The original structure remains; you whitewash it, you clean it, you create a few windows, a few new doors.

Revolution goes deeper than reform.

The old remains, but more changes are introduced, changes even in its basic structure.

You are not only changing its color and opening a few new windows and doors, but perhaps building new stories, taking it higher into the sky.

But the old is not destroyed, it remains hidden behind the new; in fact, it remains the very foundation of the new.

Revolution is a continuity with the old.

Rebellion is a discontinuity.

It is not reform, it is not revolution; it is simply disconnecting yourself from all that is old.

The old religions, the old political ideologies, the old human being – all that is old, you disconnect yourself from it.

You start life afresh, from scratch.

The revolutionary tries to change the old; the rebel simply comes out of the old, just as a snake slips out of the old skin and never looks back.

The future needs no more revolutions.

The future needs a new experiment, which has not been tried yet.

Although for thousands of years there have been rebels, they remained alone – individuals.

Perhaps the time was not ripe for them.

But now the time is not only ripe….if you don’t hurry, the time will come to an end.

In the coming decades, either mankind will disappear or a new human being with a new vision will appear on the earth.

That new human being will be a rebel.

The difference between a revolutionary and a rebel.

To be a rebel we need to stand alone – yet together in this aloneness.

So easily, with all the expectations raised by so much info coming out – and talk of what is about to happen – we can sit and wait for someone else to do it for us, when this attitude itself is what has got us into this mess – giving our power away to governments, conditioning, status quo, the easy option, the safe option, not rocking the boat, etc.

Individuals have to take courage and speak up for themselves if we are to see this world change on a sustainable basis.

It’s just a cautionary point at this time of great expectations. 💖