Conditional Love and Tug-of-War

Loving with conditions, expectations, agreements and commitments is our human way of loving. There is nothing wrong with conditional love, yet it has a tendency to create suffering as we engage in a tug-of-war with the other. This way of loving is constantly looking outside of ourselves to get us what we need and want. And we get upset with others if they don’t give us what we expect from them.

We don’t even realize that every time we expect something from someone, we give away our power, the power to make us happy, peaceful, content. This is all a necessary part of the human experience, which is the illusion of separation, for we must first experience something before we can heal it. So we experience the drama and trauma of feeling very separate from what we need and want and not being able to get it from others like we would like to.

The good news is: there is a better way of being that is completely natural and quite fulfilling. However, it requires us to be willing to let go of the old way of being. This new way of loving is loving WITHOUT conditions, expectations, agreements and commitments. From the human perspective, that sounds impossible and insane!

It is entirely possible because, even though we can’t see this from our human way of seeing things, we ARE this UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And all it takes to embody this kind of love is to develop practices of being PRESENT with LOVE and ACCEPTANCE to whatever arises. When we are present, we OPEN to who we are, which is unconditional love itself. We must be willing to face our fears, allow and love the abandoned rejected parts of ourselves.

This process is not particularly difficult. It’s just that it’s so UNFAMILIAR, and because we are so habituated to loving conditionally, it requires lots of willingness, practice, awareness and intention to reprogram ourselves. When we start using EVERYTHING in our experience to show us what in us wants our love and attention, we take back our power, stop the game of tug-of-war and EMBODY the unconditional love that we are. And life becomes amazing and beautiful! This is how we create a new earth.

Can I Trust You?

Have you ever encountered people who seem to often cancel meetups or altogether just not show up? Perhaps they agree to be present and without any communication they disappear like a ghost? I used to get upset when that happened, either mildly irritated and disappointed or deeply hurt and sad, depending on the level of connection I had with the other.

Over time, I have practiced using EVERYTHING in my experience to learn things about myself and others. First, I realized that whatever the other is doing or not doing, is a reflection of THEIR OWN internal experience, not of mine. For example, if someone is unreliable, untrustworthy, not present, that’s because they are unable at this time to be present, reliable and trustworthy with parts of themselves! They are going through THEIR process, learning and growing at whatever pace in whatever way they choose. I can choose to RESPECT their journey and process.

Along with respecting and acknowledging the other’s process, I can be AWARE that whatever they are doing or not doing with me is ALSO a reflection of something IN ME that wants my love and attention. So if they abandon me, the part of me that is afraid of being abandoned wants my presence. If the other is not reliable and trustworthy, there are parts of myself asking for MY PRESENCE, wanting to TRUST and RELY on ME to be there for them. This is VALUABLE information!

Instead of BLAMING, COMPLAINING, ACCUSING the other, which is merely my way of PUSHING AWAY these feelings I have about the situation, I can realize there’s nothing WRONG here and NO ONE to blame. I and the other created that situation expressly to give us opportunities to find out WHAT IN US WANTS OUR LOVE AND ATTENTION.

When I begin flowing in this new way, I stop the TUG OF WAR with the other, constantly expecting the other to give me what I need and want. I can give it to myself! I can offer myself PRESENCE. I can let these parts of myself, my Sadness, my Disappointment, my Fear, KNOW I will always be there for them. They can TRUST and RELY on me. I have my OWN BACK! This is how we EMBODY the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that we are. This is how we create exciting new realities and relationships. This is how we create a new earth.

Want More Joy? Peace? Contentment? Love?

The secret to experiencing more JOY, PEACE, CONTENTMENT, LOVE is realizing it’s already HERE NOW. It’s WHO WE ARE! We don’t have to look for it, work for it, grasp for it. In fact, The more we approach life from a place of WANTING these things because we feel we don’t have them, the more elusive they become. It’s like looking everywhere for your glasses, and realizing they are on top of your head!

The reason we go about SEEKING joy, peace, contentment, love, is because as we are experiencing being human, which is the illusion of separation, we can’t see that we already ARE what we are looking for. We can’t see our Divine limitless nature and our Oneness from our human way of being. The very reason we as Source came into these bodies and stories is to EVOLVE our aspect of the collective, which requires us to experience feeling very separate from what we need and want. And we must first experience something before we can heal it. Our work is to harmonize, heal and reunite these abandoned rejected parts of ourselves back into the Whole of the LOVE that we are.

In order to experience the joy, peace, contentment, love that WE ARE, we must FIRST offer LOVE and ACCEPTANCE to our FEAR and RESISTANCE as it arises in this moment. When we do that, all of those abandoned rejected parts of ourselves transmute back into the LOVE that we are.

Instead of looking for joy, peace, contentment, love, we OPEN to it, as our very ESSENCE is unveiled. And life is so much more fun and enjoyable and graceful and effortless!